Emily TurnerThree days after learning his unborn son had died, Cody Gakpo walked onto the pitch in Monterrey, placed the ball on the spot, and scored — fighting back tears as his Netherlands teammates rushed to embrace him. That moment on 29 June 2026, in the Round of 32 against Morocco, resonated far beyond the FIFA World Cup. For the thousands of Australian families navigating pregnancy and newborn loss each year, Gakpo's public grief put a face to a pain that is rarely spoken about.
The Goal That Stopped the World
Gakpo's partner, model Noa van der Bij, had announced just days earlier that their unborn son — named Elijay Raphael Gakpo — had died during pregnancy. "Forever loved. Forever our son," the couple wrote on social media. Despite the devastating news, Gakpo chose to remain with the Dutch squad at the tournament. Coach Ronald Koeman and captain Virgil van Dijk publicly praised the family's extraordinary courage.
Gakpo scored in the 72nd minute against Morocco. The celebration was subdued, tearful, and deeply human — an image that circled the globe within minutes. Netherlands ultimately lost the match 5–4 on penalties, but the broader conversation Gakpo sparked — about grief, resilience, and knowing when to ask for help — will outlast the tournament result.
Perinatal Loss Is More Common Than Most Australians Realise
According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW), approximately 150,000 Australians experience the loss of a developing or new baby each year — the vast majority through miscarriage. Around 1,750 babies are stillborn annually, and a further 850 die within their first 28 days of life.
Despite these numbers, perinatal bereavement remains one of the most under-discussed forms of grief in Australia. Bereaved parents consistently report intense sadness, guilt, anger, and what researchers call "disenfranchised grief" — a loss that others often fail to recognise or validate. A baby who never breathed outside the womb can feel invisible to the outside world, yet to parents like Gakpo and van der Bij, he was real, named, and deeply loved.
The Hidden Mental Health Toll of Pregnancy Loss
Research is clear: pregnancy and neonatal loss significantly elevates the risk of serious psychological conditions. Bereaved parents face elevated rates of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which can emerge weeks or months after the loss; major depressive disorder (MDD), affecting both mothers and fathers; prolonged grief disorder (PGD), in which grief does not follow a typical recovery arc; and severe anxiety that can make any subsequent pregnancy feel unbearable.
The AIHW's perinatal mental health data shows that 1 in 5 new mothers and 1 in 10 new fathers experience perinatal depression or anxiety, affecting approximately 100,000 Australian parents each year. For parents who have experienced a loss, those rates climb considerably higher.
What makes perinatal grief particularly complex is its timing. Loss during pregnancy or early infancy often coincides with a period when families are physically exhausted, socially isolated, and least likely to seek outside help. Society, however well-intentioned, can expect them to recover far faster than is humanly possible.
Why Gakpo's Choice to Keep Playing Matters
Gakpo's decision to remain at the World Cup was deeply personal, supported by his team and by his family. There is no universal right answer when it comes to grief: some people find structure and purpose healing; others need distance and stillness. Both responses are legitimate — and neither replaces the need for professional support.
Elite athletes typically have access to sports psychologists and dedicated mental health teams. Most Australians do not. Research on families dealing with grief following high-profile public events — including how celebrity bereavement stories can resurface personal loss for thousands of bystanders — underscores that even watching a moment like Gakpo's goal can bring unresolved grief back to the surface. The emotional wellbeing of families navigating World Cup stress and personal loss is something mental health professionals increasingly recognise as a real clinical phenomenon.
Warning Signs That Grief Needs Professional Attention
Grief is not a disorder. Sadness, numbness, and disorientation after losing a baby are normal and expected human responses. But there are signs that grief has entered territory where professional mental health support becomes important:
- Inability to function at work, in relationships, or with daily tasks for more than four weeks
- Intrusive flashbacks or nightmares related to the loss
- Feeling disconnected from reality or from your own body
- Thoughts of self-harm or the belief that life is not worth living
- Fear so severe that a future pregnancy feels impossible to contemplate
- Profound isolation because the grief feels "too much" for the people around you
If you recognise any of these signs — in yourself, a partner, or someone close to you — speaking with a qualified psychologist or counsellor who specialises in perinatal bereavement is the most important step you can take.
Practical Steps for Australian Families
Start with your GP. A General Practitioner can provide a Mental Health Care Plan, which entitles you to Medicare-subsidised sessions with a registered psychologist — currently up to 10 individual sessions per calendar year. This is the fastest route to affordable professional support.
Ask about specialisation. Not every therapist has training in pregnancy and infant loss. Ask specifically for someone with experience in perinatal bereavement or complicated grief. It makes a meaningful difference.
Include your partner. Fathers and non-birthing partners are consistently under-served by bereavement services, yet research shows they are at significant risk of silent suffering. Seek support for both people in the relationship, not only the birth parent.
Combine professional and peer support. Organisations such as Red Nose Australia offer peer support programs for bereaved families. These are valuable, but they complement rather than replace clinical mental health care.
Cody Gakpo channelled indescribable pain into one of the World Cup's most unforgettable moments. That act of courage does not mean grief should be rushed, suppressed, or performed. It means that with the right support — professional, personal, and communal — it is possible to keep going, one step at a time.
This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. If you are experiencing difficulties following pregnancy or infant loss, please consult a qualified mental health professional.
